Tyler Clementi is dead. A young man just starting out his life jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge. Tyler had learned that his roommate and his friend had secretly had been videotaping his room and released a video of him engaging in a sexual encounter with another young man. Clementi went to his RA and the only help he received was being told to call a gay hot line. Those are things that we know.
Gay rights advocates have jumped all over this as a case of gay bashing. Bullying experts has also jumped all over this case as well. We don't know if either of these are actually the case. There is so much we don't know.
Was this Tyler's first gay encounter? Did his parent's know he was gay? Was what Ravi and Wei doing really bullying? Did Tyler have issues with depression in the past? None of the people who are commenting on this story can say.
I think it is pretty safe to say that everyone one of us have gone through an experience while in college or high school that was completely humiliating that we at that moment thought we would never recover from. But if you are reading this, you obviously did recover. To take it to the level of jumping off a bridge that in almost all cases will result in the end of your life, is an extreme. We don't know why he decided to take it to that extreme.
Depression is a very serious illness that sometimes leads to death; not all of which are suicides either. In many cases depression leads to a myriad of other types of risky behavior that cause death; such as drunk driving. Was Tyler hiding his homosexuality from his parents or was he hiding his depression problems? We just don't know.
Was what put him over the edge was that no one at Rutgers seemed to be willing to help him? It would seem to me that Rutgers actions need to be looked at in this situation as well. This young man, only a month away from his parents home went to someone for help and was not given any that really addressed the problem. He was being spied on by someone he was being forced to live with. Why didn't the RA immediately not take action to find another living situation for this young man?
We as a society need to stop trying to find immediate and simple answers to very complex problems and issues. We have no absolute knowledge of what Ravi was trying to accomplish with his tweet and video. Are those two kids homophobic or are do they just have a bizarre sense of humor? Again we don't know. There are many things that are pretty clear cut when he hear about them. This is a case when it is not. By everyone jumping to conclusions that the evidence has yet to be able to support we are doing exactly what all three of these kids have done. Tyler felt his life was over, when it would have gone on, Ravi and Wei never bothered to think about anyone but their own enjoyment when invading that boy's privacy. A selfish act if there ever was one and look at how well that turned out.
The only things that I think all can agree upon is the fact that two 18 year old kids will now have to live with what they have done for the rest of their lives. A family will now have to deal with the lost of a child. Something that will not be easy for any of them.
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8 comments:
This has haunted me. I think it is a sign of the de-personalization of communication for our kids these days. They are moving a step away from basic humanity. I hate to say it because God knows I love my technology. But this scares me.
Imagine. This entire tragedy could have been entirely avoided, had all parties obeyed the 10 commandments. So much pain, and all avoidable.
Was what Ravi and Wei doing really bullying?
Call it what you like it was still hateful and wrong no matter what, no matter who you do it to; gay or otherwise. They are disgusting and I feel no sympathy for them having to live with it for the rest of their lives, at least they are alive.
Anoy:
I didn't say I had sympathy for them, I just said that they are going to have to live their actions. My point is that we need to call things what they really are, and stop jumping to conclusions too quickly.
It is very possible that the gay aspect of this is just happenstance and was not the cause of the tweet nor of the suicide.
The plain fact of the matter is that Tyler Clementi - even in death IS treated differently. If his partner had been a woman, it would have been a simple case of a perv uploading his encounter and violating his privacy. But, he was outed, which under the best of circumstances can be very difficult. Coming out requires alot of soul searching, planning and yes, gays do pray. But in this "blog" as in many others there is the subtle blaming of the victim "he was troubled" ooh . . "he was depressed" No, he was exposed to the same double standard that all members of the GLBT community are. I have a friend who is bisexual and a member of the honor society and "college republicans" at his school. He has said that no one can ever know about his sexuality because he would lose most all of his "close" friends in the "repug" club. What ever happened to the "bigger tent" idea that republicans talked about? That same friend has said that that idea was very short lived and if anything, conservatives want a smaller umbrella.
If someone committed suicide they are troubled. That is an extreme, you can dress it up any way you like, but that is fact. You don't reach that point unless you are troubled. I know.
I have mental health problems, so I have a great deal of sympathy for anyone who also is suffering from the same problems. That could be the cause of his death. You don't know so stop assuming that you do and blaming republicans for this.
Tell your friend to look into the log cabin club, they are gay republicans.
My entire point was that we don't know what caused him to jump and we shouldn't assume that we do. For all you know he already came out to his parents.
You have the wrong blog if you want to label me a gay basher, I am not. I don't care what someone does in their bedroom as long as it between consenting adults.
You have a viewpoint that all conservatives think the same, get over yourself, we don't.
Ah, he was a student at Rutgers university ans a gifted violinist but still you stick to mental illness as a motive - thanks for proving my point. And Puhhh-lease! It is your party's PLATFORM to oppose gay rights and support a "traditional" family structure (whatever that means, and like it ever worked so great) And just so you can stop being annoyingly ambiguous and noncommital about the story the 2 students are each charged with 2 counts of invasion of privacy and are still being considered with a hate crime. It has been reported that after the "broadcast" ravi spread the rumors all over the dorm that Tyler was gay - he jumped the next day - can you do the math? - Or tragically, is it still "WE'LL NEVEER KNOW - THIS POOR SAD TROUBLED BOY!!" He went to his RA and requested a dorm change and was referred to a Gay hotline - I am so moved by the effort (not) OK - pop quiz everybody - what do you call a Gay democrat? A: a Democrat What do you call a Gay republican? A: An ostricized "log cabin republican! "By 2004, when George W. Bush ratcheted up the campaign to promote the anti-gay marriage Federal Marriage Amendment, the climate had turned nasty. In response to a Log Cabin television ad that attacked the Christian Right's homophobia in 2004, Robert Knight, director of the Culture and Family Institute at Concerned Women for America, advised, "It's time for the Republican Party to realize its mistake in giving Log Cabin any official recognition... The Log Cabin just burned down." -publiceye.org Finally - "You have a viewpoint that all conservatives think the same, get over yourself, we don't." Maybe you dont all think alike, but it doesnt matter because you lead and govern by talking points. BUH BYE!!
What does what school he went to and being a violinist have to do with what his mental state? There is no connection between the two. Depression can hit anyone regardless of talent or intelligence. Depression doesn't just hit the talentless and stupid.
I am not trying to say that I know why he did what he did. But you are. You have an obvious agenda and sadly you are using this sad death to exploit it.
If you really believe that the democrats are so open to gays, you are sadly mistaken. They use them for a voting block, but very few are really willing to do the heavy lifting to achieve rights. Even Obama has done next to nothing for the community.
Homophobia exists on both sides of the aisle; make no mistake about that.
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