See if you look hard enough you can find almost anything.
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Being Green
Being Green
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment f or future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truely recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't
good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment f or future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truely recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
H/T Rose Marie
Friday, November 9, 2012
Ssh, Don’t Tell Anyone: transcript of the last phone call Petraeus made before he resigned – Satire
“Hey there, Cindy? This is David. David Patreus.”
“David, how are you? I haven’t seen you since college!”
“I am good thanks. Listen, I need a favor. You used to say I was cute…I need to resign before this whole Benghazi thing blows up, and I figure an extra-marital affair would be a good excuse.”
“Um…what do you need from me?”
“I don’t know how these things are done myself, but I put the boys on it. They are sending some photos of us leaving a hotel – we used Jessica Alba’s body, you’ll be very pleased. And we put some texts on your phone, and the package comes with a $200,000 book deal. How does that sound?”
“Okay I guess.”
“Good! I’ll make the announcement today. Oh, and if you tell anyone it isn’t reall, we’ll kill you, but that’s just standard. Have a good day! And thanks again. You’re a pal.”
~ Tom O’Brien
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Democratic Convention Agenda and Schedule - Satire
2012 Democratic National Convention Agenda -- Charlotte , N.C.
▸ 4:00 PM - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony - sponsored by CNN.
▸ 4:05 PM - Singing of "God Damn America " led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
▸ 4:10 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to Obama.
▸ 4:05 PM - Singing of "God Damn America " led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
▸ 4:10 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to Obama.
▸ 4:15 PM - Ceremonial 'I hate America ' led by Michelle Obama.
▸ 4:30 PM - Tips on "How to keep your man trustworthy & true to you while you travel the world" - Hillary Clinton.
▸ 4:45 PM - Al Sharpton / Jesse Jackson seminar: "How to have a successful career without having a job."
▸ 5:00 PM - "Great Vacations I've Taken on the Taxpayer's Dime Travel Log" - Michelle Obama.
▸ 5:30 PM - Eliot Spitzer Speaks on "Family Values" via Satellite.
▸ 5:45 PM - Tribute to All 57 States - Nancy Pelosi.
▸ 6:00 PM - Sen. Harry Reid - 90-minute speech expressing the Democrat's appreciation of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and George Soros for sparing no expense, for all that they have accomplished to unify the country, improve employment and to boost the economy.
▸ 8:30 PM - Airing of Grievances by the Clintons .
▸ 9:00 PM - "Bias in Media - How we can make it work for you" Tutorial - sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times.
▸ 9:15 PM - Tribute Film to Brave Freedom Fighters incarcerated at GITMO - Michael Moore.
▸ 9:45 PM - Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangel
▸ 10:00 PM - Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners and Bible readers.
▸ 10:30 PM - Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ , & Afghanistan .
▸ 11:00 PM - Obama Energy Plan Symposium / Tire Gauge Demonstration / You too can get rich with Green Investment bankruptcies.
▸ 11:15 PM - Free convicted felon IL Gov. Rod Blagojevich rally.
▸ 11:30 PM - Obama Accepts Oscar, Tony and Latin Grammy Awards.
▸ 11:45 PM - Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish, Obama Presiding.
▸ 12:00 AM- Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher and Chris "He sends a thrill up my leg" Matthews.”
▸ 12:01 AM - Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior.
▸ 12:05 AM- Celestial Choirs Sing.
▸ 3:00 AM - Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech.
▸ 4:30 PM - Tips on "How to keep your man trustworthy & true to you while you travel the world" - Hillary Clinton.
▸ 4:45 PM - Al Sharpton / Jesse Jackson seminar: "How to have a successful career without having a job."
▸ 5:00 PM - "Great Vacations I've Taken on the Taxpayer's Dime Travel Log" - Michelle Obama.
▸ 5:30 PM - Eliot Spitzer Speaks on "Family Values" via Satellite.
▸ 5:45 PM - Tribute to All 57 States - Nancy Pelosi.
▸ 6:00 PM - Sen. Harry Reid - 90-minute speech expressing the Democrat's appreciation of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and George Soros for sparing no expense, for all that they have accomplished to unify the country, improve employment and to boost the economy.
▸ 8:30 PM - Airing of Grievances by the Clintons .
▸ 9:00 PM - "Bias in Media - How we can make it work for you" Tutorial - sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times.
▸ 9:15 PM - Tribute Film to Brave Freedom Fighters incarcerated at GITMO - Michael Moore.
▸ 9:45 PM - Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangel
▸ 10:00 PM - Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners and Bible readers.
▸ 10:30 PM - Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ , & Afghanistan .
▸ 11:00 PM - Obama Energy Plan Symposium / Tire Gauge Demonstration / You too can get rich with Green Investment bankruptcies.
▸ 11:15 PM - Free convicted felon IL Gov. Rod Blagojevich rally.
▸ 11:30 PM - Obama Accepts Oscar, Tony and Latin Grammy Awards.
▸ 11:45 PM - Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish, Obama Presiding.
▸ 12:00 AM- Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher and Chris "He sends a thrill up my leg" Matthews.”
▸ 12:01 AM - Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior.
▸ 12:05 AM- Celestial Choirs Sing.
▸ 3:00 AM - Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech.
I don't know who the original author is, but this was so good I had to share.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Packing for New York City
Can anyone still deny that the government is out of control?
Friday, May 4, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Allen West Black by Birth Not By Choice
I keep getting hits about this "statement"
In light of this month being Black History Month, I feel no way involved with this negro celebration of half accomplishments and borderline Communist agendas. View the list of these “fearless” leaders of black America. Black inhabitants of America knew their place at the table, and knew they could not eat off the same plate of the more than welcoming white men and women of the time. These men, I use that term lightly, like Malcolm X pushed themselves into the homes of innocent white Americans. This action riled up the negro, and scared the living hell out of people. I am no way apart of this community of transported Africans, I myself am an American. I’m a good ol’ boy from the great state of Florida, and a citizen of this great nation. I know God recognizes me as my true self, a proud, strong white man given dark pigmentation. God had to give the blacks at least one intelligent person, so he chose to give me dark skin. I curse my birth as a black man every day. I’m black by birth, not by choice. It will all be sorted out when my name is called, and I step in front of the great white Jesus himself.
Sorry all you race baiters, Allen West never said this. This is originally posted on satirical site. The left ran with the quote even though the site is clearly a satire and is labeled as such. Just one more way to smear a conservative of color. The link to the original posting is below.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
New Federal Golf Rules by the Newly Minted Golf Czar
These new golf rules will be in effect
beginning January 1, 2012.
Please share with fellow golfers.
President BHO has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in December 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few of the changes.
Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- handicaps from 11 to 18, entitlements for putter length putts.
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score". These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the "Right thing to do."
Please share with fellow golfers.
President BHO has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in December 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few of the changes.
Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- handicaps from 11 to 18, entitlements for putter length putts.
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score". These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the "Right thing to do."
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sunday, September 25, 2011
SNL's View of the GOP Presidential Candidates
This is pretty funny in parts. I thought the Michele Bachmann part was over the top, but much of the rest is very funny.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tim Burns Campaign Heating Up
Tim Burns, the republican that is running for the congressional seat that is open due to the sudden death of John Murtha got some help today; Senator Brown of MA joined him for a campaign rally. The Burns campaign is making hay (pretty successfully, I may add) that his opponent Mark Critz is just another Washington insider.
Critz actually has given them plenty of help on this; as he has had VP Biden stumping for him in another area of the state, he also has held several big fundraisers inside the beltway. You see Critz, actually worked for Murtha for many, many years and basically is inside the beltway kind of guy. With Hawaii becoming out of reach, the dems are putting everything they have into this race, and the polls are very close indeed.
A Republican PAC has put out a commercial that is a spoof of the creepy PA tax ad,
Stop by The Other McCain for photos and updates on the campaign rally today.
Critz actually has given them plenty of help on this; as he has had VP Biden stumping for him in another area of the state, he also has held several big fundraisers inside the beltway. You see Critz, actually worked for Murtha for many, many years and basically is inside the beltway kind of guy. With Hawaii becoming out of reach, the dems are putting everything they have into this race, and the polls are very close indeed.
A Republican PAC has put out a commercial that is a spoof of the creepy PA tax ad,
Stop by The Other McCain for photos and updates on the campaign rally today.
Monday, September 7, 2009
My Take on the President's Speech Tomorrow
Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama
Back to School Event
Arlington, Virginia
September 8, 2009
The President:
Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we've got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today. Some against their parents wishes.
I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. So why then are you interrupting their day? I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could've stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.
I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.
Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."
So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.
Now I've given a lot of speeches about education. And I've talked a lot about responsibility.
I"ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn. Really? Your buddies at the NEA have stated that their most important goal is their job security. Maybe you should take this up with them.
I've talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.
I've talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve. Then why did you get rid of the very successful voucher program in DC? At the end of three years the students that received the vouchers were 21 months ahead of those who didn't.
But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.
And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself. Add applause here, he is asking someone to take personal responsibility instead of having the government care for you womb to tomb.
Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.
Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – Yes, maybe you can go work at The New York Times and write very positive articles about the democratic party. but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine Not if socialized medicine passes– but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team. Not if your a conservative.
And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You've got to work for it and train for it and learn for it. You became the President without any training or real job experience.
And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.
You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS Again, not if socialized medicine passes; research funds will dry up, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment You can use Van Jones as your role model for this one. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free Life hasn't been fair since the dawn of time, but you can make it so, you are the ONE. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy. Pretty hard to build a new business with your policies being so anti small business.
We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country. Yes Dear Leader
Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork. Yes Dear Leader
I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother Weren't you primarily raised by your grandparents? who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in.
So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of like cocaine? , and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.
But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama (Oh, I am glad you cleared that up because we didn't know that was who you meant), has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country. That is how is should be. There is nothing wrong with working hard.
Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right. Don't worry, we are going to make life fair.
But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you've got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.
That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.
Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn't speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.
I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall. Lucky for him Dr. Emmanuel didn't have his way, three is too young for expensive medical care.
And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.
Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same. Repeat after me; yes dear leader.
That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community (ACORN is always looking for help). Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter. I think we have a lot of 'I am not feeling well' coming on, don't you?
Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.
I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work (No wonder they have that idea with all your talk of spreading the wealth and fairness)-- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.
But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.
That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." didn't he just say that they won't be basketball stars?
These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.
No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Really? Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.
And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country. Yes, dear leader
The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.
It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Maybe this is a good time to talk about the constitution; oh wait, you have completely forgotten about that. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook.
So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country? They followed dear leader.
Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions Our public school systems are a disgrace. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn You wouldn't know that by looking at the schools in DC. But you've got to do your part too.
So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it. Yes dear leader
Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.Why is it OK for this President to say God bless you?
For the sake of clarity, I have never had a problem with the speech. I have a problem with the original Department of Education's lesson plan.
Back to School Event
Arlington, Virginia
September 8, 2009
The President:
Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we've got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today. Some against their parents wishes.
I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. So why then are you interrupting their day? I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could've stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.
I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.
Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."
So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.
Now I've given a lot of speeches about education. And I've talked a lot about responsibility.
I"ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn. Really? Your buddies at the NEA have stated that their most important goal is their job security. Maybe you should take this up with them.
I've talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.
I've talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve. Then why did you get rid of the very successful voucher program in DC? At the end of three years the students that received the vouchers were 21 months ahead of those who didn't.
But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.
And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself. Add applause here, he is asking someone to take personal responsibility instead of having the government care for you womb to tomb.
Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.
Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – Yes, maybe you can go work at The New York Times and write very positive articles about the democratic party. but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine Not if socialized medicine passes– but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team. Not if your a conservative.
And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You've got to work for it and train for it and learn for it. You became the President without any training or real job experience.
And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.
You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS Again, not if socialized medicine passes; research funds will dry up, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment You can use Van Jones as your role model for this one. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free Life hasn't been fair since the dawn of time, but you can make it so, you are the ONE. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy. Pretty hard to build a new business with your policies being so anti small business.
We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country. Yes Dear Leader
Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork. Yes Dear Leader
I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother Weren't you primarily raised by your grandparents? who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in.
So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of like cocaine? , and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.
But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama (Oh, I am glad you cleared that up because we didn't know that was who you meant), has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country. That is how is should be. There is nothing wrong with working hard.
Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right. Don't worry, we are going to make life fair.
But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you've got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.
That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.
Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn't speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.
I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall. Lucky for him Dr. Emmanuel didn't have his way, three is too young for expensive medical care.
And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.
Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same. Repeat after me; yes dear leader.
That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community (ACORN is always looking for help). Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter. I think we have a lot of 'I am not feeling well' coming on, don't you?
Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.
I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work (No wonder they have that idea with all your talk of spreading the wealth and fairness)-- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.
But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.
That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." didn't he just say that they won't be basketball stars?
These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.
No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Really? Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.
And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country. Yes, dear leader
The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.
It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Maybe this is a good time to talk about the constitution; oh wait, you have completely forgotten about that. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook.
So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country? They followed dear leader.
Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions Our public school systems are a disgrace. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn You wouldn't know that by looking at the schools in DC. But you've got to do your part too.
So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it. Yes dear leader
Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.Why is it OK for this President to say God bless you?
For the sake of clarity, I have never had a problem with the speech. I have a problem with the original Department of Education's lesson plan.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Draft of President's Speech to Schoolchildren - An Honest Version
A little Humor for the holiday weekend
The Washington Examiner’s satire columnist, Scott Ott, imagines an unusually honest presidential address next week:
A draft copy of President Barack Obama’s planned September 8 address to America’s public school children, tells students that “If you want to grow up to be like me, you should beg your parents to put you in private school, right now.”
Although Obama attended public school in Indonesia early in life, he soon switched to a private Catholic school, and from fifth grade through graduation went to a private college-prep school in Hawaii. His own daughters now attend a private school in Washington D.C..
“Do you think you’re going to get into Harvard University with your one-size-fits-all public school diploma?” the president will reportedly say. “Come on! Don’t make me laugh. You’ll be lucky to survive through graduation. Seriously, you gotta get out of this mediocrity machine. Go ahead! Get up right now. Run for the door. What are you waiting for?”
While the White House would not confirm the content of the leaked speech draft, a spokesman acknowledged that “You don’t get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria.”
On Tuesday, the president will bypass parents, taking his message directly to kids in the classroom “in hopes that you’ll pester Mom until she gets a second job to pay private-school tuition so you can escape the swirling vortex of ignorance and despair that is our government-run school system.”
“The only thing standing between you and success,” the president will allegedly say, “is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there’s no limit to your achievement. Pay any price. Bear any burden. Just get your fanny out of that fiberglass chair, go buy yourself an Oxford shirt, a pair of slacks and a clip-on tie, and go to a place that faces constant economic pressure to improve.”
The Washington Examiner’s satire columnist, Scott Ott, imagines an unusually honest presidential address next week:
A draft copy of President Barack Obama’s planned September 8 address to America’s public school children, tells students that “If you want to grow up to be like me, you should beg your parents to put you in private school, right now.”
Although Obama attended public school in Indonesia early in life, he soon switched to a private Catholic school, and from fifth grade through graduation went to a private college-prep school in Hawaii. His own daughters now attend a private school in Washington D.C..
“Do you think you’re going to get into Harvard University with your one-size-fits-all public school diploma?” the president will reportedly say. “Come on! Don’t make me laugh. You’ll be lucky to survive through graduation. Seriously, you gotta get out of this mediocrity machine. Go ahead! Get up right now. Run for the door. What are you waiting for?”
While the White House would not confirm the content of the leaked speech draft, a spokesman acknowledged that “You don’t get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria.”
On Tuesday, the president will bypass parents, taking his message directly to kids in the classroom “in hopes that you’ll pester Mom until she gets a second job to pay private-school tuition so you can escape the swirling vortex of ignorance and despair that is our government-run school system.”
“The only thing standing between you and success,” the president will allegedly say, “is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there’s no limit to your achievement. Pay any price. Bear any burden. Just get your fanny out of that fiberglass chair, go buy yourself an Oxford shirt, a pair of slacks and a clip-on tie, and go to a place that faces constant economic pressure to improve.”
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