I have been thinking about a post I read early this morning on The Other McCain that originally started over a ridiculous OP-ED piece on how all Fraternities should be closed down as they only encourage young college aged males to rape young woman. But that is post for another time.
Stacy then found his way to an article about how many women get married anyway even though their gut is telling them something else. An article in Marie Clare talked about how much of this has to do with the fairy tales we tell our young daughters and as they grow they watch the romantic comedies that come out of our Hollywood culture saying that love conquers all.
While much of Stacy is discussing is the personal responsibility that is being taken away and this article is creating almost a victimhood mentality of young women due to these influences that most young women grow up with. What Stacy has completely overlooked is the culture that we have created for not only ourselves but for our young girls. Divorce is the answer.
We no longer have the reason to make our marriages work. We no longer have the reasons to listen to our guts as we are waiting to walk down the aisle and that little voice is saying RUN AS FAST YOU CAN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. We can simply go through the motions because for a relatively small amount of money and short waiting time we can just start over. The divorce rate in our society is far too high.
43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced. And in 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support (84% of the payers were male).Stacy asked the question:
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Amanda Clark got a $15,000 gown and a 7-carat ring, and she still wasn’t happy, so whose fault is that?
Was it really the fault of her husband being the Wrong Guy? To believe that, you must believe that somewhere out there is the Right Guy, ready and eager to wed Amanda Clark, except for the fact that she goofed up and married the Wrong Guy. But shouldn’t we at least consider the alternative hypothesis, that Amanda Clark was to some extent responsible for the failure of her own marriage? Isn’t it possible that she was the Wrong Woman?
It may be that Amanda is the wrong woman, but what is also possible is that Amanda didn't care that he was the wrong guy, because she could just get that quickie no fault divorce and find the "right guy". Part of the lie that feminist movement has hoisted on our young females (and males for that matter) is that divorce is so common that it has almost become a right of passage, and if you are being made to feel that you are not being understood or are not reaching your potential in all your glorious womanhood you can get up and walk away, it isn't that big of a deal. Self fulfillment is the far more superior objective than actually taking your time and marrying the right person
I am not trying to say that people are not making a difficult choice or that they don't even attempt to work on a marriage, but the divorce rates being as high as they are we must ask ourselves what makes one go through with a marriage if you are not feeling right about from day one? Marriage is very hard work. You have to compromise, you have to give up some things that at one point in your life you considered very important. You have to put your spouses feelings at least as high on the totem pole that you put your own. You also must accept the fact that it isn't going to be rosy each and every day. You will go through patches that are painful and you must be honest about that pain and the causes of it. You also have to realize that all those habits that you think are so cute before you get married aren't really all that cute after you live them everyday year after year. The things that bother you before the wedding only become more pronounced after the big day. We become even more ourselves. You have to work on your marriage like divorce isn't an option. That is very hard work indeed.
What I am saying is that our society feeds the idea that marriage the first time around is just a test run and if your fulfillment in your womanhood is being threatened the answer is divorce. Stacy questions if we woman are asking the question is it us. It isn't that women don't ask is it us, but it is that women are being told even if it us this doesn't feel good and doesn't fit the narrative that we can indeed have it all, we then can just have a start over. Even Stacy didn't ask the question of how damaging the woman's rights movement has been. So I must ask, Et Tu Stacy, Et Tu?
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5 comments:
Hmm - lots to digest here. Many influences creating divorce rates, including: removal of shame/modesty, overlap of roles male/female, lack of leadership of men in marriages, it's not "cool" to stick it out with one person and not be "self-fulfilled" (me-ness of newer generations), decrease in faith/religious integrity of marriage, and many others I'm sure.
One other factor is the loose morality of women and men - women used to be the ones to say "no" until they had a firm commitment from men. Now they are the ones touting sex is the be-all, end-all in a relationship.
To women out there: reap what you sow.
As someone who is on wife #3, I can attest that this happens with men, too. That little voice in my head said "RUN!" with wife #1, but I didn't. She left me one child and 3 years later. (Note: I raised the child)Wife 2 was, at least to a large extent, my fault. That whole "self-actualized" BS played a large part in it. Wife #3 said "no" to many men before me. She had reconciled that she may never get married. Why she chose me, I can't imagine.
All that said, in retrospect, saying "no", even at the last minute is the right, if not expedient thing to do.
Sadly, I have a lot of experience in this department.
I think the change in society's morals in the 1960s, the "free love" and "me" generation had a lot to do with the decay of marriage. Once the pill came in, it was pretty much expected that women would behave as tramps. Nowadays is no different. Very very few people save themselves for marriage. Modern women are expected to have sex by the third date, or so they say in the girl's magazines.
Is it any wonder that children who were raised by divorced parents, with revolving-door boyfriends, children who raised themselves by latch-key, children who never saw a good marriage to begin with, would have trouble picking a good spouse? I know we need to take personal responsibility at some point, but that type of wisdom often comes late, after the childbearing years.
I pray for this and future generations. That they will be raised by loving, intact families. That they will see in action good marital relationships. That they will seek spouses of character and honor. That they will dedicate themselves to raising the next generation and being the best they can be for their sake.
I wish Amanda the best. I hope she grows up before her kids do.
JACG,
Your post and points you made are spot on!
OPie's points are on the mark too.
I can understand couples getting divorced when there is abuse involved but I fear that in many cases couples are just simply not ready to get married and aren't committed to staying together through the thick and thin. I think many confuse romance and passion for love. Love is much deeper than that.
Opus:
I have no experience when it comes to divorce, but I do have experience with the little voice. I was engaged when I was 23 and the closer the wedding got the more I realized I couldn't do it. He was the wrong man. He died when he was 35 leaving two very young children who won't even remember him. So while it was painful, I knew then it was the right thing and I have not looked back.
I am very grateful that I did listen to my inner self.
An if memory serves, you had every reason to leave and you taught your children the right lesson.
Teresa: I agree with you. People get married without fully understanding what love is and more importantly what marriage really is. It is never easy. You have to cherish the good times so it will get you through the bad times, and the bad times will come. Life isn't perfect and the Cleavers don't exist.
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