The Shepard/Sally Divorce and Feminism

Social media is all a flutter over the impending divorce and custody case of The View's Sheri Shepard and Lamar Sally.  Sally filed for legal separation and shortly thereafter filed for not only divorce, but custody of the child that is currently unborn and being carried by a surrogate mother.  By getting custody he will likely receive (and rightly so, I might add) child support.  Many women are calling foul.  He is just some gold digger after her money.

Apparently they did sign a prenup and in case of divorce in the first five years of marriage (they have only been married about three years) he gets very little of her income or assets.  But this is something that happens all the time with women who marry successful men who have assets and money that are larger than their own.   Women file for divorce and expect large sums of money in spousal support.  I know a man who is divorced and his former wife wanted monthly spousal support, the house, the kids, as well as child support.  They made virtually the same income so why would he have to pay spousal support?  In the end she didn't get spousal support, but she did get everything else she asked for and then went off to start a new life with the man she cheated with.

If women are looking for equal treatment, than this should actually be celebrated not mocked.  She knew he made less money than her when she married him.  She knew she had assets that greatly exceeded his.  This was a choice that she made.  No one forced her down the aisle.

I get really tired of hearing from women that all they want is be treated equally to men then have the nerve to call foul when that is exactly what happens.  Women marry for money all the time.  We have seen it over and over again.  When the marriage ends, they expect large amounts of cash from the guy to continue the "lifestyle they have become accustomed" to.  Look at some of these celebrity/sports divorces and the very large settlements that women get.  Yet, that isn't what we are hearing in this case:

“In Sally’s case he is pathetic and not what I would classify as a MAN! Where is his damn money? She made her money now he wants hers. Spousal support, he is a punk!”

I didn't hear women saying things like that when Elin Woods left Tiger and received a large settlement.  Granted he was cheating on her (and yes that is an understatement for his behavior), but in most states divorce is no fault, so that doesn't matter.  When Jerry Hall divorced Mick Jagger she is estimated at getting $25 million, this is a woman who had a very successful modeling career and made her own money.  She was far from a pauper.

This is equality folks.  Divorce is ugly and money almost always becomes an issue.  Whomever the main breadwinner is the other spouse is going to be looking to get their hands on it.  If women want true equality stop complaining that men who marry, then divorce women, who are more well off than them are doing the same thing that women have been doing for generations.  This is exactly what feminism has called for.

Quote of the Day - Kim Kardashian Edition

"After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage.  I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision.  I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don't work out as planned.  We remain friends and wish each other the best."

They were only married 72 days ago.  How careful could the consideration have been?   

You Don't Say - Study Shows that Divorce Permanently Harms Children

The news that studies show that children of divorce are damaged shouldn't be shocking, yet it is. This is just another example of how our culture tries to decide what is and what is not good for human development. Children are hurt by divorce. Again, for the life of me I cannot understand how this is so difficult to people to grasp.


In a perfect world we would marry, have children and live happily ever after. But, the world is not perfect. Sometimes people make bad choices for a mate and have children before they realize it. Or sometimes they want children so badly that they go ahead and have them thinking it may make the marriage better (hint, this rarely works) or they are afraid they will lose the chance to have kids and figure they will get a divorce shortly after the child is born. I actually know someone who did that. She had one child already and didn't want her to be an only child. She got pregnant and divorced her husband a few months after the baby arrived.


Children want to please their parents. It is natural for them. They are completely dependent upon them and gaining praise from Mom and Dad is a priority. While every child is different, there are things that are relatively standard. We are all human and our natural instincts do have a guiding factor in our lives, even as much as some would like to pretend that they don't. When children are watching their parents fight over custody, fight over money, and the child is being carted between homes it takes a toll.

Children struggle with maths and making friends when their parents divorce, a study has found.


They often fall behind classmates whose parents stay married, suffering from anxiety, loneliness and feeling sad – and may never catch up academically.


Contrary to some previous research, children through primary school did not show any negative effects before the parents decided to split, the U.S. study found.

One of the problems is that our culture no longer looks at divorce as a failure to be avoided. It has become almost a rite of passage. We make light of the decision of marriage, we have gone as far into turning into a reality show. Like this is how we should be picking a spouse. We spend sometime making out with various people in a hot tub then at the end of the day we give roses to the one we would like to stay on for another few days. While most people don't make decisions on marriage in this fashion, it is likely that we all know people who have jumped into marriage with someone who they don't know very well, or marry someone they know is bad for them. Many women fall into the "Bad Boy" trap and are stupid enough to think that they can change them. Ladies, let me give you a little advice the bad habits they have they day before your wedding don't magically disappear the day after. They usually become more pronounced and annoy you even further when you live with them full-time.


Going into a marriage you are unsure about is not only unhealthy for you, it is very unhealthy for our children. While many parents are able to keep the martial strife away from their children, many do not. Divorces become ugly as raw emotion and attorney's take over. Many parents become completely obsessed about hurting their spouse and have a complete disregard for the effect that this will have on their children. With the divorce numbers as high as they are in our society just think of how many kids this is affecting and what it is doing to our society as a whole.

Children of divorce experience setbacks in maths test scores and show problems with interpersonal skills and internalising behaviour,’ lead researcher Hyun Sik Kim, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, said.


‘They are more prone to feelings of anxiety, loneliness, low self-esteem and sadness.’

Sadly, we cannot say it isn't so.

Et Tu, Stacy McCain

I was up even earlier than usual today as I had to get everything ready for the trip down to the Lincoln Memorial for the most amazing sunrise service on Easter Sunday.  After the services, the annual Easter Egg hunt (or should I say spring sphere) took place, then the very large breakfast commenced.  The pancakes with fresh blueberries and heated syrup and the Eggs Benedict were both made to perfection if I don't mind saying so myself.  After a few hours of Nerf darts to wear off the rare treat of chocolate in the morning all has settled down.


I have been thinking about a post I read early this morning on The Other McCain that originally started over a ridiculous OP-ED piece on how all Fraternities should be closed down as they only encourage young college aged males to rape young woman.  But that is post for another time. 


Stacy then found his way to an article about how many women get married anyway even though their gut is telling them something else.  An article in Marie Clare talked about how much of this has to do with the fairy tales we tell our young daughters and as they grow they watch the romantic comedies that come out of our Hollywood culture saying that love conquers all. 


While much of Stacy is discussing is the personal responsibility that is being taken away and this article is creating almost a victimhood mentality of young women due to these influences that most young women grow up with.  What Stacy has completely overlooked is the culture that we have created for not only ourselves but for our young girls.  Divorce is the answer. 


We no longer have the reason to make our marriages work.  We no longer have the reasons to listen to our guts as we are waiting to walk down the aisle and that little voice is saying RUN AS FAST YOU CAN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  We can simply go through the motions because for a relatively small amount of money and short waiting time we can just start over.  The divorce rate in our society is far too high. 

43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced. And in 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support (84% of the payers were male).

Stacy asked the question:
. 

Amanda Clark got a $15,000 gown and a 7-carat ring, and she still wasn’t happy, so whose fault is that?

Was it really the fault of her husband being the Wrong Guy? To believe that, you must believe that somewhere out there is the Right Guy, ready and eager to wed Amanda Clark, except for the fact that she goofed up and married the Wrong Guy. But shouldn’t we at least consider the alternative hypothesis, that Amanda Clark was to some extent responsible for the failure of her own marriage? Isn’t it possible that she was the Wrong Woman?

It may be that Amanda is the wrong woman, but what is also possible is that Amanda  didn't care that he was the wrong guy, because she could just get that quickie no fault divorce and find the "right guy".  Part of the lie that feminist movement has hoisted on our young females (and males for that matter) is that divorce is so common that it has almost become a right of passage, and if you are being made to feel that you are not being understood or are not reaching your potential in all your glorious womanhood you can get up and walk away, it isn't that big of a deal.  Self fulfillment is the far more superior objective than actually taking your time and marrying the right person
I am not trying to say that people are not making a difficult choice or that they don't even attempt to work on a marriage, but the divorce rates being as high as they are we must ask ourselves what makes one go through with a marriage if you are not feeling right about from day one?  Marriage is very hard work.  You have to compromise, you have to give up some things that at one point in your life you considered very important.  You have to put your spouses feelings at least as high on the totem pole that you put your own.  You also must accept the fact that it isn't going to be rosy each and every day.  You will go through patches that are painful and you must be honest about that pain and the causes of it.  You also have to realize that all those habits that you think are so cute before you get married aren't really all that cute after you live them everyday year after year.  The things that bother you before the wedding only become more pronounced after the big day.  We become even more ourselves.  You have to work on your marriage like divorce isn't an option.  That is very hard work indeed. 


What I am saying is that our society feeds the idea that marriage the first time around is just a test run and if your fulfillment in your womanhood is being threatened the answer is divorce.  Stacy questions if we woman are asking the question is it us.  It isn't that women don't ask is it us, but it is that women are being told even if it us this doesn't feel good and doesn't fit the narrative that we can indeed have it all, we then can just have a start over.  Even Stacy didn't ask the question of how damaging the woman's rights movement has been.  So I must ask, Et Tu Stacy, Et Tu?