Yes, Matt Walsh, Robin Williams lost the ability to see the joy in his life

I haven't posted in a quite some time for a variety of reasons.  But this I couldn't sit out.  As everyone who doesn't live under a rock has heard by now, Robin Williams committed suicide earlier this week.  He wasn't fooling around either, he slit his wrists and wrapped a belt around his neck. He wasn't interested in failing at this.  The darkness was going to come to a conclusion.

The normal (yes, sadly this is normal) he was a horrible man who committed a very selfish act comments started almost immediately.  I must remember to stay off social media after these type of events happen as it only upsets me. His daughter Zelda has been chased off social media due to the cruelty of others.   

All of my regular readers know that I have been very open and honest about the fact that I suffer from long-term clinical depression, known as Major Depressive Disorder.  I have had this since I was in high school and possibly earlier.  I am not ashamed of it, it is part of who I am.  I don't like it and I wish it were different, but it isn't.  This is one of the crosses that I have to bear in my life.  We all have them, whatever they may be.  

I want to scream when I see what is said about mental illness after an event puts it in the news once again.  A famous person committing suicide, a mass shooting, or whatever else happens to make this issue get national attention.  Sadly, it has become predictable to point of comedy.  You can almost predict to the minute before you see the whole "selfish" thing start after news of  a suicide.  

Yes, when a person leaves the world by taking their own life they leave behind questions.  They leave loved ones who feel guilt, who wonder why they couldn't help them.  It is hard to be that loved one.  Now, that is something that I don't really have a great deal of experience with, as the small amount of people who I know that have done this weren't all that close to me.  I knew them and some cases really liked them, but it has never been someone very close to me, with one possible exception.  A guy that grew up two houses down from me died by grabbing onto live wires at a train crossing.  We went to school together, we had the same first high school job together.  We shared many interests and were close for a long period of time.  He eventually moved to another state and we lost touch with one another.  He died in Florida.  We were in our early 20's at the time, if I recall correctly.  He recently had been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and was said to be coping rather well.  But at some point he stopped taking his meds, a very bad break up with his long-term girlfriend, and the lack of close friends after a recent move led him into his darkness that he saw no recovery from.  He took his own life.  He left behind a mother, a step father, a younger brother, and many close friends in our home state of CT hurt and angry.  

Oddly, I wasn't angry at him.  I was envious in very strange way.  His pain was over while mine just continued.  On and on it went.  I had yet to be given a proper diagnosis of my problems.  I had already made one attempt at ending my life at that point, and would make another just a few short years later.  Mine was triggered by events.  My BFF from my entire childhood was killed in a car accident. She was in a car going someplace that I was supposed to go and was unable to attend due to family that came in from out-of-town.  Talk about guilt.  It was horrible and it took me many, many years to get over her death and the guilt that I felt.  I still think about her everyday.  The second downward spiral in my life came after a relationship with a man I had planned on marrying came to an end.  That also took me a very long time to come to grips with.  Quite honestly I am far better off that I didn't marry him. He had many issues, not the least among them a substance abuse problem.  But I was devastated just the same.  

Blogger Matt Walsh talked about the joy of life and how that should be enough to sustain you through your dark moments.  From what I can glean from the post, Mr. Walsh seems to have an understanding of depression, he says he has struggled for many years with it.  I wonder.  

One of the worst things about my depression is how it robs me of the joy in the world.  That is what it does.  I can see many good things in my life.  I see the people who love me, who I love back.  The things that I have been able to accomplish in spite of the fact that I have suffered from clinical depression for the majority of my life are quite good.  I have a degree from a highly regarded university from which I graduated with high honors.  I have a family life today that at one point I never dreamed I would have.  I love them dearly.  They love me back.  That is part of the joy in my world.  

But, I don't always treat them the way I should.  It isn't on purpose.  I become withdrawn.  I seek shelter in the safety of my bed.  I sleep a great deal.  I don't want to do much of anything.  I am lucky that the man in my life notices it and does his best to be supportive and I love him all the more for it.  He reminds me of doctor appointments, he will ask about my meds.  He will take me out for Fro Yo, which I just love.  He will clean up the house and do other things around the house when he senses that I am feeling overwhelmed.  He is a keeper.  But as I said, there are days that I just don't feel all the good that should come from having him in my life.  I see it, but I don't feel it.  I don't think I deserve it.  I wonder why he gives up so much and gets so little in return.  

Does Mr. Walsh think that women who suffer from postpartum depression don't understand that there is joy in the world?  They have a newborn baby to care for.  A child that brings much joy to them and their family, yet they still feel the darkness, the pain, the confusion, the guilt that comes part and parcel with clinical depression. Their hormones are going nuts.  Their bodies aren't allowing them to feel the joy that little bundle of wonderment has brought them, they see it, they just don't feel it.  They aren't being selfish.  They are coping the best that they can in a horrible situation.  

It is amazing that people can easily accept that other parts of our body are ill but not our brains.  That can't possibly be the reason.  I mean many cases of osteoporosis are caused by chemical in-balances in our bodies.  We have these things called osteopaths and osteoblasts in our bodies.  One helps build bone density, one thins the bones.  When we have a proper balance between the two our bone density will be fine.  When we have an in-balance, our bones become weaker and more prone to breakage.  Our hearts and livers have many different types of enzymes, we have insulin levels in our bodies that help us digest sugar.  We need the proper balances for our bodies to run correctly.  Why is that people think that our brain is so different?  It isn't.  Our brain is an organ just like the others.  It needs certain things to function "normally".  

Our brains give off chemicals when we exercise, when we have sex, when we are experience the "joy" in our lives.  The make us feel good.  Clinical depression causes our bodies not to produce those chemicals in the same manner.  Sometimes I wonder if I have any at all.  These chemicals are also a cause of why some are more at risk of becoming substance abusers. I have a childhood friend who became a heroin addict in her teens and early twenties.  One of the things that she, and others that I know that have had the same experience, tells me is that the first time you use it the euphoria you get is something that they never experienced before or since.  It never feels as good as it did the first time.  That is how they become addicted, they are chasing that high.  They are looking for something that make them feel that feeling once again.    

We know very little about the amazing thing that is the human brain.  There are so many things that we don't fully understand.  Why will some fully recover from traumatic head injury while others will not?  Why some don't produce the proper levels of neurotransmitters that give them a healthy sense of the world around them and others do?  But we know that it happens.  Or least some of us do.  Others live in denial of that fact.  

I don't know if it is fear that keeps people from seeing the truth, but they do.  One of the most ridiculous things I heard since the death of Mr. Williams was a comparison of his death to that of a suicide bomber.  Yes, someone actually said that.  Insert primal scream here.  

The lack of compassion shown to people who are in trouble and are dealing with a darkness that is so severe it is almost impossible to explain, is nothing short of breathtaking.  You hear about how if you just let Jesus into your life that you will be healed.  Does Jesus heal cases of bone problems?  Does Jesus heal cases of juvenile diabetes, which isn't caused by behavioral issues, but strictly a genetic problem of not producing the needed amounts of insulin?  I am sure some will recall a story of someone they know who was healed, but many faithful people have medical problems that are directly related to their bodies over/under producing chemicals in their bodies, and therefore need medical care to deal with those problems.  

Mr. Williams was very open and honest about his problems with clinical depression.  He talked about it publicly many times.  That isn't an assertion, that is fact.  He was also very open about his drug and drinking problems that he suffered and found ways to overcome for decades.  Depression and substance abuse tend to go hand in hand.  People turn to substances to just feel a little relief, even if it is only briefly.  People with depression try to find all kinds of ways just to feel a little relief.  

I can't speak for what was going on in Mr. Williams' head on Monday.  I can only talk about what my experiences have been.  What I can tell you is that when I was seriously considering taking my own life, the one person I didn't think about was myself.  I thought about everyone but me.  I was not acting in a selfish way.  I was looking to not only stop the pain, but to no longer be the burden that I perceived myself as being.  I felt broken beyond repair.  That there was no hope that things would ever change for me.  That I was always going to be living in a very dark place that hurt.  I was in a closet that got smaller and smaller every day.  I felt like I could barely breathe most of the time.  I was only dragging the people who loved me down.  They would be better off without me.  They would actually thank me one day.  I was doing them, and the world, a favor.  

With what we know as public record of Mr. Williams and his problems, I would guess he didn't feel all that much different.  You see, it doesn't matter what you have, how famous you may be, how much you do or do not love Jesus, how many people you have that care about you, it matters what you feel on the inside.  In the places that most people can't see.  The deep recesses of your heart that most people are too afraid to talk about.  Those are things that matter.  Those are things that clinical depression rob you of.  Those are things that are warped in your pain and your turmoil.  You aren't being selfish, you are trying to find a solution to a problem that from your point of view has no end.  A problem that you are bringing into the lives of everyone else around you.  You are the cause for their discomfort.  You are the reason that they too can't enjoy life.  You become the reason that joy is being taken from them, and since you know exactly what that feels like, you just want it to end.  For everyone involved.  You too feel guilt and remorse.

Think about this the next time you tell a person who is suffering from depression to "get over it", or "it will get better", or one of my personal favorites, "others have it much worse than you do".  Yeah, I know that logically.  But logic and depression don't exist on the same plane.  Stop looking for logic in mental illness, it doesn't exist.  Reach out to the person.  Be there to listen to them talk about why they feel so bad without judgement.  Try and get them medical attention.  They may resist, but try anyway.  You may just save them from the fate that Mr. Williams was not able to pull himself away from.  Show true compassion to those feel that they don't deserve it.  Who feel that they aren't worthy of it.  

R.I.P Mr. Williams.  Thanks for laughs and the tears you brought into our lives with your career.  Thanks for the money you raised for children with cancer.  Thanks for entertaining our troops who were a long way from home and willing to die to protect our freedoms.  Find peace.  One can hope that your death will help educate at least one person on the dangers of mental illness and accept the fact that it is indeed an illness, not a choice.  

My Brilliant and Gifted 28-Year-Old Lives in My Basement

Another Blogger and radio host Matt Walsh received a letter from a listener.  It was from a father that feels that Matt is a "right winged extremist" for thinking his children should do chores, and eventually get a job when they are teens.

“Matt, I heard your horrible conversation today about parenting. A few comments in response:
1) Based on your remarks, I have to say I feel bad for your kids. You sound like the sort of person who never should have been a parent. You said you plain to teach your kids “how to think.” I guess this is common in right wing religious fundamentalist households. Personally, I let my child form his own conclusions about things. To impose your views on a child is tantamount to child abuse. Do them a favor, let them think FREELY.
2) You greatly exaggerate the importance of “chores.” Also, the idea that a kid should be forced to “get a job” is abhorrent. My son was very gifted so we gave him all the tools to succeed academically. This meant we didn’t turn him into slave labor and we certainly didn’t tell him he needed to go work behind a cash register. He concentrated on his school work, and we did our job as parents and financially supported him.
3) It’s easy to mock a “30 year old who lives with is parents.” My son is almost 29 and he’s been home with us since he graduated. Unfortunately the job market isn’t the greatest (maybe you hadn’t heard) and I’m not going to let him starve on the street. He has a college education, it’s pointless for him to be out working in a retail store or some other menial job. I will be here for him until he is able to get the job he deserves.
You need to grow up, get some life experiences and then maybe you’ll have the right to sermonize about parenting.
-Nick”

Just a thought here, if Nick Jr. were so gifted wouldn't he have been able to figure out how to make a living even in a bad economy?  This reminds me of a story.  About a month ago I went out with my best friend's mother.  The event we went to was being held in the local VFW.  I was sitting at a table waiting for the event to get started.  While I was waiting this man came over and introduced himself.  For whatever reason he started telling me his life story.  He is in his 80's.  He was telling me that when he was a young man his father forced him to get a job and would take most of his pay for rent.  He promised himself that he would never do that to his children.  He goes on to tell me that he never charged a dime in rent to any of his three children.  He then went on and told me that his 47-year-old son was still living at home and never paid rent.  He told me this story like it was a good thing.  I asked if his son was married?  He told me that his son had problems finding a "good woman".  Hmm, is the fact that he is middle-aged and has never had any sense of caring for himself be part of the reason?

I wasn't rude and didn't say anything to the man.  He believes that he has done his children a favor.  I happen to disagree.  I think it important to teach children a sense of responsibility.  I was having another conversation with another older gentleman he knows and he told me that he and his wife were having a conversation a few weeks ago and they have come to the realization that they never let their children grow up.  They did so much for them that they are constantly having problems in their lives when it comes to taking responsibility.  I am not at all surprised.

Of course, as a parent, you should help your children when they are in trouble.  If they hit hard times while an adult, sure let them move in and help them out until the get back on their feet.  If you can afford it, throw them a little rent money if they need it.  But to be the only support system for them is not helping them.  It more than likely is hurting them.

In the case of Nick, Jr, how does he date or even just go out with the friends if he has no income?  Are they also supporting his personal life?  I would think a man of that age wants to leave the house on occasion.  Does he have a car?  If so, who pays for that?  That would require insurance, gas, and the occasional repair, would it not?  What if he wants to go out for wings and a beer to watch Monday Night Football?

We are raising a generation of people who can't help themselves.  How exactly are they going to govern this country when their time inevitability comes?  A very terrifying thought.

Here is Matt's response to Nick.  It is a little meaner than I would ever be, but it is classic all the same:

Dear Nick,
1) Tell you what. How ’bout I blindfold you, drive you out into the middle of the desert at night, and then leave you there without a map or a GPS? It’ll be great. You can just travel FREELY. After all, who am I to bring you to this place and then presume to tell you how to navigate? I’m just the guy that kidnapped you and dumped you into a hostile, cold wilderness. It would be presumptuous and authoritative of me to offer you direction and guidance. So I’ll let you wander around aimlessly until you collapse exhausted in a ditch, and are eaten slowly by wild scavengers. You’re welcome. I mean, I assume you’ll be grateful. I’ll merely be applying your parenting technique to the situation.
By the way, did you ever tell your kid not to play in the street? Did you instruct him about the dangers of hot stoves and fallen electrical wires? This is a quandary. See, if you imposed your anti-high voltage power line views on your kid, then apparently you’re guilty of abuse by your standards. However, if you didn’t, you’re guilty of reprehensible neglect by the standards of civilized human beings. I’m not an expert on parenting. I never claimed to be. But you don’t need to be an expert to know that one of the fundamental tasks of a parent — and this really speaks to the whole point of the endeavor — is to teach your child how to navigate the physical, moral, spiritual and intellectual dangers of life. This includes teaching them how to think, which could also be referred to as passing on your values and your worldview. If you have no interest in doing this, then I would suggest that you never really wanted a child — you wanted a friend. Now you have one. Living at home with you. Forever. Congratulations.
2) Chores schmores. What can they teach a kid? Discipline, obedience, and hard work? Screw that. What is this, the 50′s? Listen, Nick, don’t take this the wrong way, but what leads you to the conclusion that your son is “gifted”? He can’t mow the lawn, work a job, earn a living, pay a bill, apply a skill, or support himself, yet he’s “gifted”? What are his gifts, exactly? You know, something tells me an astronaut’s parents never have to inform people that their child is “gifted.” People sort of pick up on that based on context clues. They behold his accomplishments and admire his achievements. They can SEE his gifts. He uses them, applies them, refines them. Your son MIGHT have gifts — the jury is still out — but whatever they may be, they’ll atrophy and whittle away the longer he spends lounging in a bean bag chair eating macaroni and cheese.
3) So your brilliant and gifted 29 year old son would “starve” if he was forced to take care of himself? The “gifted” standard is getting lower by the day, isn’t it? I’ve been living independently and taking care of myself since before I could legally drink a Heineken. I guess that makes me a Nobel candidate — if your helpless grown adult son gets to set the bar for “gifted.”
The kind of oblivious snobbery you display used to be reserved for classes of nobility and royalty. Now, any drooling schlub who spent 4 years getting drunk and fornicating at college can claim to be “too good” for almost every available job. Your son isn’t above anyone. He certainly isn’t superior to hard working cashiers and retail clerks who support themselves, raise families and live full lives, as your little snowflake hides under his bed while mommy makes him hot cocoa and tells him he’s special.
News flash, Nick: Junior ain’t special. He graduated school, good for him. Anyone can do that if they’ve got money, time and no pressures or responsibilities from the outside world. Your little pumpkin doesn’t “deserve” a job. I wouldn’t hire him to dig a ditch, much less take on serious responsibilities of any kind. You can spend your whole life telling everyone what you and your son deserve, meanwhile the rest of us will be out in the world, earning, striving, accomplishing, living.
Nick, it’s somewhat peculiar that you chose to end your email by chastising me for not having “life experiences.” I’m two years younger than Nick Jr and I’m married with two kids. I’ve got a career in broadcasting and goals for the future that I’m steadily working toward achieving. I’m not exactly at the point where I’ve got enough material to write my memoirs, but I’ll get there one day. In any case, you, my friend, need to take that “life experiences” lecture and bring it home to the pudgy couch potato sleeping in your basement.
Thanks for the email.
God speed,
Matt

Portrait of a Jack Ass - Joan Walsh

Joan Walsh in her infinite dishonest/delusional wisdom is unable to name any left leaning "extremists" like Rush on the right. 

Hmm,
Bill Maher
Rosie O'Donnell
Janine Garofalo
Keith Olbermann
Chris Matthews
William Ayers
Van Jones
just off the top of my head.