In a speech this summer, CPSC Chairman and Obama appointee Inez Tenenbaum told the audience it was time to “eliminate” the strangulation risk from window blind cords. “Notice how I did not say, ‘reduce the hazard,’” she added. “I said, ‘eliminate the hazard.’”I also read today on Pundit and Pundette that in Toronto kids in school will no longer be able to play with "hard balls", they must be "soft" balls only. Children may get hurt by a tennis ball or something.
So, I got to thinking about all the other things we must also outlaw:
- Wet leaves. You may slip and fall. Don't laugh, I did once and broke my tailbone. I guess we have to cut down all the trees that have leaves that fall off in the fall. Of course the planet would die if we did, but remember, zero risk.
- Cars. They are very dangerous. Especially now that Obama administration made the mileage standards higher. The cars will be lighter, which of course gives you less safety. It won't help a whit with "global warming" but the treehugers will be happy. Oh, wait we have to get rid of trees too.
- Showers. All must take baths or install a chair/seat in your shower. You may slip. Wait, you might drown in a bathtub. So, only the showers with chairs.
- Razors. Hey American men out there, get used to your women being hairy. Don't worry the Europeans survive with hairy women, so can you. Because even the waxing can cause burns.
- Beds without bed rails. You know some older people and younger children can roll out of bed and hurt themselves.
- No deep-frying your turkeys next week. Too big a risk for a fire. Actually all cooking must be outlawed. Too risky. Get used to vegan diet folks. It is the wave of the future.
- We have to find a way to outlaw snow and ice too. Very risky. Since that may not be possible, we will have to pass a law that you can't leave your home while there is snow or ice on the ground.
- No electrical outlets in the home. Children may stick a fork in there or something.
- No long coats or sweaters. They might get in a door.
- No laces on your shoes. You might trip and fall if they are not tied correctly.
H/T to The Lonely Conservative