The Further Criminalization of Your Parental Choices

Danielle and Alexander Meitiv were recently investigated by the police and child welfare for allowing their two children, aged 10 and 6, to walk home from the park without them.  The walk is approximately one mile in length.  A person, who very likely thought they were doing a good deed, saw the children and called the police.  
The Meitiv's live in Silver Spring, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, DC.  The law in Maryland states that a child under the age of 8 cannot be home alone without someone who is at least 13-years-old.  It says nothing about being outside of your home.  But that didn't stop the police.  Now, I want to be clear, the police aren't really to blame here.  They were called.  They had to respond.  They followed the law, as is their job.  With children they are also most likely obligated to contact Child Protective Services.  

Child Protective Services were contacted and came to check out the parents and the safety of the children.  When CPS arrived at their home, they were interrogated and told not to allow the children out alone unsupervised.  They were told that they were being investigated for neglect.  They were basically told do as your told, or your children will be taken away.  

CPS has finished their investigation and the outcome is "unsubstantiated child neglect".  Whatever the heck that really means I'm not sure, but for these parents they are now in the cross hairs of CPS for the next five years.  That is not a typo.  For the next five years, they will be continually monitored for child abuse.  Insert primal scream here.  

It matters none if you agree with their parenting style, known as Free Range Parenting.  It matters none if you would feel safe letting your children walk a mile on their own.  What matters is do you want the state to have this type of power over your choices as a parent?  

Now, when I was kid I was not driven to my middle school on a daily basis. Unless the weather was bad, we walked.  I can't tell you how long of a walk that was, but I figure it had to be at least a mile, if not a little more.  I also walked through a wooded area when I did it.  I did this twice a day for three years.  I grew up in one of the few states that allows you to have your late in the year birthday kids start school when they are four, if you choose.  My mother did make that choice because I already knew how to read and she felt I was ready.  That means I was ten when I started middle school.  So was my mother guilty of neglect when I was walking to school?  I guess I might have thought so at the time if it was snowing or raining out.   

Here are the facts, the rates of children being abducted by strangers is down by more than 35%.  A child is in much more danger of being in accident while you are driving them to school instead of letting them walk.  Do we start telling parents who drive their kids to school are guilty of neglect because the odds are far greater of being hurt than they are if they walked instead?  

Parents need to let children grow, mature, and learn responsibility.  How each parent chooses to do that is going to vary.  But it is part and parcel of the parenting experience.  Today, we are seeing more and more parents who are constantly on top of their children.  The so-called helicopter parents.  The parents who are so engaged with their children and their activities that we hear stories about them involving themselves in the job interview process.  

Government is getting larger and larger.  It is getting more and more intrusive.  A government that can swoop in and decide that a parent isn't allowed to make a choice about a short walk home from the park is a government that is way too large.  A government that now has the right to investigate these parents for the next five years is a government that I don't want.  

I am not sure I would let a ten and six-year-old walk a mile on their own.  I lived outside of Washington, DC for many years.  I know the Silver Spring area fairly well.  The children were walking on Georgia Avenue, it is a major roadway that normally has a great deal of traffic.  But what I don't know is the maturity levels of these children.  There will be ten-year-olds that are very likely ready for that walk.  
But I do know that I don't think that act alone is a good enough reason for this family to be investigated continuously for the next five years.  Has anyone thought that these children are going to become distrustful of police now?  How is that a good thing?  

These children have learned a valuable lesson.  A government that is large can do almost anything.  I hope they carry this with them into adulthood.  

My Brilliant and Gifted 28-Year-Old Lives in My Basement

Another Blogger and radio host Matt Walsh received a letter from a listener.  It was from a father that feels that Matt is a "right winged extremist" for thinking his children should do chores, and eventually get a job when they are teens.

“Matt, I heard your horrible conversation today about parenting. A few comments in response:
1) Based on your remarks, I have to say I feel bad for your kids. You sound like the sort of person who never should have been a parent. You said you plain to teach your kids “how to think.” I guess this is common in right wing religious fundamentalist households. Personally, I let my child form his own conclusions about things. To impose your views on a child is tantamount to child abuse. Do them a favor, let them think FREELY.
2) You greatly exaggerate the importance of “chores.” Also, the idea that a kid should be forced to “get a job” is abhorrent. My son was very gifted so we gave him all the tools to succeed academically. This meant we didn’t turn him into slave labor and we certainly didn’t tell him he needed to go work behind a cash register. He concentrated on his school work, and we did our job as parents and financially supported him.
3) It’s easy to mock a “30 year old who lives with is parents.” My son is almost 29 and he’s been home with us since he graduated. Unfortunately the job market isn’t the greatest (maybe you hadn’t heard) and I’m not going to let him starve on the street. He has a college education, it’s pointless for him to be out working in a retail store or some other menial job. I will be here for him until he is able to get the job he deserves.
You need to grow up, get some life experiences and then maybe you’ll have the right to sermonize about parenting.
-Nick”

Just a thought here, if Nick Jr. were so gifted wouldn't he have been able to figure out how to make a living even in a bad economy?  This reminds me of a story.  About a month ago I went out with my best friend's mother.  The event we went to was being held in the local VFW.  I was sitting at a table waiting for the event to get started.  While I was waiting this man came over and introduced himself.  For whatever reason he started telling me his life story.  He is in his 80's.  He was telling me that when he was a young man his father forced him to get a job and would take most of his pay for rent.  He promised himself that he would never do that to his children.  He goes on to tell me that he never charged a dime in rent to any of his three children.  He then went on and told me that his 47-year-old son was still living at home and never paid rent.  He told me this story like it was a good thing.  I asked if his son was married?  He told me that his son had problems finding a "good woman".  Hmm, is the fact that he is middle-aged and has never had any sense of caring for himself be part of the reason?

I wasn't rude and didn't say anything to the man.  He believes that he has done his children a favor.  I happen to disagree.  I think it important to teach children a sense of responsibility.  I was having another conversation with another older gentleman he knows and he told me that he and his wife were having a conversation a few weeks ago and they have come to the realization that they never let their children grow up.  They did so much for them that they are constantly having problems in their lives when it comes to taking responsibility.  I am not at all surprised.

Of course, as a parent, you should help your children when they are in trouble.  If they hit hard times while an adult, sure let them move in and help them out until the get back on their feet.  If you can afford it, throw them a little rent money if they need it.  But to be the only support system for them is not helping them.  It more than likely is hurting them.

In the case of Nick, Jr, how does he date or even just go out with the friends if he has no income?  Are they also supporting his personal life?  I would think a man of that age wants to leave the house on occasion.  Does he have a car?  If so, who pays for that?  That would require insurance, gas, and the occasional repair, would it not?  What if he wants to go out for wings and a beer to watch Monday Night Football?

We are raising a generation of people who can't help themselves.  How exactly are they going to govern this country when their time inevitability comes?  A very terrifying thought.

Here is Matt's response to Nick.  It is a little meaner than I would ever be, but it is classic all the same:

Dear Nick,
1) Tell you what. How ’bout I blindfold you, drive you out into the middle of the desert at night, and then leave you there without a map or a GPS? It’ll be great. You can just travel FREELY. After all, who am I to bring you to this place and then presume to tell you how to navigate? I’m just the guy that kidnapped you and dumped you into a hostile, cold wilderness. It would be presumptuous and authoritative of me to offer you direction and guidance. So I’ll let you wander around aimlessly until you collapse exhausted in a ditch, and are eaten slowly by wild scavengers. You’re welcome. I mean, I assume you’ll be grateful. I’ll merely be applying your parenting technique to the situation.
By the way, did you ever tell your kid not to play in the street? Did you instruct him about the dangers of hot stoves and fallen electrical wires? This is a quandary. See, if you imposed your anti-high voltage power line views on your kid, then apparently you’re guilty of abuse by your standards. However, if you didn’t, you’re guilty of reprehensible neglect by the standards of civilized human beings. I’m not an expert on parenting. I never claimed to be. But you don’t need to be an expert to know that one of the fundamental tasks of a parent — and this really speaks to the whole point of the endeavor — is to teach your child how to navigate the physical, moral, spiritual and intellectual dangers of life. This includes teaching them how to think, which could also be referred to as passing on your values and your worldview. If you have no interest in doing this, then I would suggest that you never really wanted a child — you wanted a friend. Now you have one. Living at home with you. Forever. Congratulations.
2) Chores schmores. What can they teach a kid? Discipline, obedience, and hard work? Screw that. What is this, the 50′s? Listen, Nick, don’t take this the wrong way, but what leads you to the conclusion that your son is “gifted”? He can’t mow the lawn, work a job, earn a living, pay a bill, apply a skill, or support himself, yet he’s “gifted”? What are his gifts, exactly? You know, something tells me an astronaut’s parents never have to inform people that their child is “gifted.” People sort of pick up on that based on context clues. They behold his accomplishments and admire his achievements. They can SEE his gifts. He uses them, applies them, refines them. Your son MIGHT have gifts — the jury is still out — but whatever they may be, they’ll atrophy and whittle away the longer he spends lounging in a bean bag chair eating macaroni and cheese.
3) So your brilliant and gifted 29 year old son would “starve” if he was forced to take care of himself? The “gifted” standard is getting lower by the day, isn’t it? I’ve been living independently and taking care of myself since before I could legally drink a Heineken. I guess that makes me a Nobel candidate — if your helpless grown adult son gets to set the bar for “gifted.”
The kind of oblivious snobbery you display used to be reserved for classes of nobility and royalty. Now, any drooling schlub who spent 4 years getting drunk and fornicating at college can claim to be “too good” for almost every available job. Your son isn’t above anyone. He certainly isn’t superior to hard working cashiers and retail clerks who support themselves, raise families and live full lives, as your little snowflake hides under his bed while mommy makes him hot cocoa and tells him he’s special.
News flash, Nick: Junior ain’t special. He graduated school, good for him. Anyone can do that if they’ve got money, time and no pressures or responsibilities from the outside world. Your little pumpkin doesn’t “deserve” a job. I wouldn’t hire him to dig a ditch, much less take on serious responsibilities of any kind. You can spend your whole life telling everyone what you and your son deserve, meanwhile the rest of us will be out in the world, earning, striving, accomplishing, living.
Nick, it’s somewhat peculiar that you chose to end your email by chastising me for not having “life experiences.” I’m two years younger than Nick Jr and I’m married with two kids. I’ve got a career in broadcasting and goals for the future that I’m steadily working toward achieving. I’m not exactly at the point where I’ve got enough material to write my memoirs, but I’ll get there one day. In any case, you, my friend, need to take that “life experiences” lecture and bring it home to the pudgy couch potato sleeping in your basement.
Thanks for the email.
God speed,
Matt

Republican Intern Adam Savader Arrested for Alleged Sexual Extortion Scheme – Don’t Parents Talk to Their Children about Taking Naked Photos of Themselves?

Normally this isn't the type of story I would do a post about.  People do creepy things in this day and age.  But, since I know this guy I am intrigued by this story.  Adam worked as an intern for the Romney Campaign and also was a paid staffer for the Newt Campaign.  My regular readers may remember that a very good friend of mine was also a paid staffer for Newt.  As such, after I realized that I wasn't all that jazzed with the choices we had in the last round, I did decide to go and work for the Newt campaign as well.  I wasn't paid, but I did a great deal of work on a volunteer basis.  I enjoyed spending time with my bud, and I learned a great deal doing it.  This is where I met Adam.  

Adam had always struck me a little awkward, but I am very shocked to hear this.  I talked to people who I still am in contact with from the Newt campaign last night and they are just as shocked as I am.  One of these friends just had him as a houseguest recently.  Another said:

I'm just shocked!!! I just thought he was a very severe young guy who would eventually loosen up!! WOW!!

Now he has been arrested for trying to blackmail women to send him nude photos of themselves.  Apparently he somehow came across pictures of naked women, found out their identities and tried to blackmail them into sending more photos or he would publicly release the photos that he found.  Creepy, very creepy.  Obviously under our justice system he is considered innocent until proven otherwise.  He is facing up to five years in federal prison.  Since he is only 21 years old, that is very sad.  This will take away his voting privileges for life, his desire to work in politics is now over, and even though it will be a federal prison, it won't be fun.  Seeing naked pictures of women is pretty easy so why he felt he needed to go to this extreme is profoundly confusing, except to say again, that I found him to be very awkward.  He was 21 so why couldn't just go and buy a Playboy is something that I just don't understand.  

But I must ask myself why is it that he was able to find naked pictures of women seemingly so easily?  Don't parents have this discussion with their daughters?  I don't know how old these women are exactly, but apparently they were all college aged.  It seems that they were students with him at the same college.  

We live in an age where virtually everyone has a camera on them at all times.  I know no one that doesn't have at least a camera on their cell phone.  Even mine which is the cheapest of all services still has a camera and the ability to upload those photos easily.  Most young Americans are on some sort of social media; twitter and Facebook to name just two.  Virtually everyone in the country has access to email.  Is it common to put naked pics of yourself in these forums?  I have never done it (thank God for small miracles) and never would.  I wouldn't even think that sending a naked photo of myself over the internet to the man in my life would be a good idea.  The reality is this, once you put it out over the internet, it is no longer private.  As much as we would like to think that it is, it just isn't.  Facebook's policy is quite clear, you cannot expect privacy from what you post.  It is out there.  Any photos that I put on this blog are out there and become public domain.  Hence the reason you don't see photos of my family and loved ones on this blog.  I refuse to do it.  

I am in no way trying to blame the alleged victims in this case, but what I am saying is don't we have conversations with our kids about the very real dangers of social media?  We live in a world that has crazy on every corner and you never really know what someone is going to do.  Apparently these young women did have naked photos of themselves, in some cases stored in their email accounts.  Isn't that bizarre?  Why would you have naked photos of yourself in your email?  Is this a normal thing now with college aged kids?  I don't recall knowing anyone who did this when I was in college.  

I know my parents never had these conversations with me, but in their in defense I didn't grow up in the time of everyone having a cell phone and internet access.  My parents never really had to have this discussion with me, and beyond that I have always been shy about these types of things anyway.  I can't imagine letting anyone taking a picture of me naked.  

Now, I was just reading the other day that a school system in New York was running an anti-bullying campaign in the school where they had the girls role play being a lesbian and asking their classmates for a kiss.  That is something that the school spends time on, but are they addressing this issue?  It would seem to me that this is an issue that is far more important than teaching teenagers how to pick up same-sex partners, but hey that is just me.  

I want to make it perfectly clear, if Adam is guilty, he belongs in jail.  He should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.  Again, I am not blaming the young women here, but I am asking if we are doing enough, as parents, to discuss the real dangers that exist in our technology driven society?  It seems to me that the answer is apparently not.  

I guess now I know why he was on social media constantly during the day.  

H/T The Other McCain

Everybody Gets a Pony - Honors Ceremony Cancelled to Celebrate Mediocrity

Ipswich Middle School in Massachusetts has decided in their infinite wisdom that honors ceremonies are just too harmful to the kids who didn't make the cut.  I mean feelings being important as they are these days, it all makes sense right?  After all, why would we want children who didn't do their homework on time, didn't study for their tests, or not pay attention in class to feel badly right?  That just isn't "fair".  Fairness being the new buzz word of late and all, so I guess it has to filter down to our students.

The statement reads in part:

“The Honors Night, which can be a great sense of pride for the recipients’ families, can also be devastating to a child who has worked extremely hard in a difficult class but who, despite growth, has not been able to maintain a high grade point average,”

I fully understand that some children, no matter how hard they work, will not make the cut.  This can happen for a variety of reasons, especially when you start introducing standardized multiple choice tests into the equation.  I am a person who doesn't do well on multiple choice tests.  In college I explained this to my professors and most allowed me to answer questions that I didn't quite comprehend in a written format.  So I get it.

What I don't get is that why are we asking those that did work hard and were able to maintain their GPA's to suffer?  What we are actually telling these children is that a strangers feelings are more important than your hard work.  This isn't how the real world works.  In the real world you are judged based on your own performance.  Does this principal believe that when these children get out into a working environment that they won't be viewed based on their own performance?  Look, it is very possible in a work environment that someone tries and works hard, but is just unable to perform the necessary tasks that the job requires, and will eventually lose that job.  What this man is doing is setting up unrealistic expectations of what faces these children as they grow into mature adults.  The world isn't fair.  Bad things happen to good people.  Good things happen to bad people.  That is life.  What you do is keep your own sense of integrity and morality, and work as hard as you can.  Some of the best things that come in life are the things that happen to you after you fail at something.  Those failures and how you handle them become the very essence of the person that you are.  This principal is cheating these kids of that experience at a young age.  That of course makes it harder for them to learn that lesson as they grow older.

Parents in this school must stand up to this man and demand that their children be taught the hard lessons in life.  You will not always get your way, you will not always succeed the first time at everything you try.  The rewards that come in life normally come to those who work hardest for them.  It is about time that we, as a society, stop giving these children the idea that everyone gets a pony simply because they exist.

The MLK that Al Sharpton Doesn't Want You To Remember

Al Sharpton doesn't want you to remember the Dr. King that talked about personal responsibility.  The MLK that wanted people to take control of their own lives.  That once the walls came down it was up to you to make your life better.  The MLK who wanted people just to be given a fair shake, not special privileges, rights that don't exist.

Rest in Peace Dr. King.  We have a long way to go before your dream comes true.  We still have the Al Sharpton's of the world that wants to portray the black community as victims instead of a strong people who have the God-given capacity of making their way in the world.  That they are fully capable of showing an ID to vote.  They are fully capable of finding jobs based on merit instead of affirmative action that is based solely on skin color.

Corporate Responsibility, Personal Responsibility, Nike, and Michael Jordan

We have all heard the stories of the near riots that occurred when Nike released a new version of Air Jordan sneakers several days before Christmas.  There were arrests, damage to stores, toddlers left in cars, and pepper spray all brought out while the frenzy to be one of the lucky ones who got a pair.  Sneakers that are now on sale on Ebay for almost double the original cost.

Activists in the Houston area have asked the Michael Jordan and Nike take responsibility for the violence that occurred when they went on sale and the violence that has occurred to those who have a pair.

“It is the responsibility of Michael Jordan and Nike to stand up and be part of the solution. Right now it’s a public safety issue with children wearing those sneakers,”
“The people that can least afford these shoes are buying them, and what happens as a result of that? Well there’s more crime,”

So, it is Nike and Michael Jordan who are responsible for the violence?

I have had pretty strong opinions on Micheal Jordan during his entire career.  As a lifelong long-suffering Knicks fan, Michael Jordan and his Bulls team was nothing but a source of disappointment for me.  But above and beyond the fact that the Knicks could never get past the Bulls and go onto to win a title one of the things that always did annoy about Michael Jordan was his insistence of saying nothing no matter what was going on.  When asked about endorsing a political candidate running against the sitting republican senator of his home state his response was:

"Republicans buy sneakers, too."

Jordan made millions and possibly billions from endorsements.  His life has always seemed to be about the conquest and the next thing.  Some call that arrogant, I have always preferred to look at as the "eye of the tiger" if you will.  He always maintained an edge that made him better and more competitive.  His juices for the next title, the next trophy, the next accomplishment kept him at the top of his game for the majority of his basketball career.  He made very few errors until the very end of career  and once he went to the management side of things.  He has every right to go out and make money.  I believe in capitalism so have at it.  But I, for one, have always been disappointed that they he didn't take some stands on important issues.  Such as child labor in China, the breakdown of the black family (while since it has come out that he had more than one affair while he was married, that could be part of the reason) as he had an image of a family man, who grew up in a close family, and many other issues.  But he always kept his mouth shut and picked up his next check.  The same was true of Tiger Woods.

I am not a believer in parents sitting back while their children idolize some sports or music star.  We should be showing our children the real heroes in our society, first responders who put their lives on the line to protect their communities, our volunteer military who willing go off to war to protect our rights, the people who work at shelters and food banks to help the neediest amongst us for little pay, and countless others who get up everyday and just try to do the right thing.  Parents should be living a life that their children will be proud to follow as they grow and mature.

But we have become a culture of entitlement.  One of the activists said himself that the people who can afford them the least are the ones buying them.  A Black Panther is saying that Nike is responsible for the thefts that are occurring to the people who lucky enough to get a pair of these sneakers.  Another said this:

“These shoes have always had a place of value in Black life,”

Maybe instead of going after Nike to lower the price to keep up with the demand (I will let go of that obvious ignorance of how economics work) they should be having the discussion with parents of the kids who were rioting.  They should be talking to the kids themselves about coveting a pair of sneakers instead of looking at what the Christmas season is really about.  Maybe we should be telling these kids that expecting your parents to spend almost $200 on a pair of sneakers when they don't have a great deal of money isn't such a great idea.  Take this moment to teach them about personal responsibility instead of what we want and when we want it.  Let this be a teachable moment about how if we really want something we need to go out and work for it.  No, instead they are saying that Nike should lower the price.  How low should the price be?  Should Nike also give some away at no charge for the neediest of people because after all these shoes are part of "black life".  What about the non blacks who want these shoes too and can't afford them?

While I would love to see Michael Jordan take a real stand for once, the truth is, this isn't his responsibility.  This is the responsibility of the care givers of these children and young adults who caused all the mayhem last week.  It is up to the individual to act in a responsible manner, not some athlete who hasn't been on the scene in more than decade.

Shades of Gray

I have been pondering the idea of absolutes of late. Jesus is the one true way to heaven, there is but one God, limited government leads to individual liberties, if you make the choice to bring a child into your home, you are then responsible for the health and welfare of that child; these are a few of mine. Much in life are shades of gray so they say. But is it really?



I live in major metropolitan area even though technically I live in a small town. The traffic here is rated as the second worst in the country. I used to live in a bigger city, and happened to work in the same city. My job was about 3 miles away from my condo. Sometimes on a Friday afternoon it would take me close to an hour to get home. Part of the reason was other people thinking that their time was more valuable than mine. In Alexandria, VA one of the main roads is Duke Street. At one time it had the claim to fame as being the street that had more pedestrian hit and killed by cars than any other in the country. Personally, I feel that Duke Street should be outlawed and I avoid it like the plague. Of course this used to be my most direct route home. At one of the many four way intersections was a right turn only lane. There are businesses on both sides of the street as well as an entrance/exit to I-395. It is rare that the traffic there is not heavy. As it happens that is where I turned to go home. Now I would stay in the proper lanes and make my way over to the right turn only lane. Inevitability I would end up behind someone who was going straight and was just in that lane to avoid waiting in line. I would then miss my light to turn. It annoyed me to no end, especially when they would make rude hand gestures at me when I honked so I could turn.


I worked retail on and off for many years as it is an easy job to find as a second job to make some extra money when you work full time. For someone that has never done this before you would be amazed at how many people shoplift in front of their children, they will look you in the face and lie about pricing. They will say they don’t have a receipt while returning something in the hopes that they will get back more than what they paid, once you don’t fall for it they suddenly find the missing receipt. It stunned me at first, but sadly, over time I became immune to it.


The reality is that we have lost our moral compass as a society. Not all that long ago I blogged about 10 people who watched a 15 year-old girl being beaten and gang raped. They did nothing to help this poor young girl. That is not just a moral failing of these parents, but as a society as well.


We watch as the term racist is leveled at people for no other reason than the politics of personal destruction. We have politicians who chair the committee that actually writes tax law evading taxes. He also uses four rent controlled apartments as office space even though his constituents are among the poorest in the nation. He takes away affordable housing from people who need it the most, yet we continually re-elect him. Why would politicos not believe that they are above the rules? Our actions say that we agree with it. Heck, even the head of treasury cheated on his taxes. He only paid when he was up for the job. Yet we gave him the job anyway.


So where has our morality gone? There are no easy answers to this question. America is a society that melds together many cultures that have differing norms. Another explanation is the fact that our government has people to become dependent on it instead of oneself. We have institutionalized poverty in this country with the welfare system. We have said that is ok for your needs to be given to you by someone else.


If you look at the areas of the country that have failing schools systems you will find many are in urban areas. Take D.C. as an example. It has a high level of population that is on some form of government assistance, and the school system is a national disgrace. Near miles from the Capitol Dome and The White House kids walk past crack houses, liquor stores, and gangs to go to a failing school that is quite literally falling down. Yet, the very successful voucher program was discontinued by the current congress. 90% of the kids who received the vouchers were people of color from families receiving public assistance. The District spends somewhere between $15,000-$20,000 /student. That money would be more effectively used to send these kids to high achieving private schools. Cities such as Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles, and sections of New York don’t fare much better. This does nothing but increases the need for public assistance and yes, institutionalizes poverty.


As levels of dependency grows in this country the need for levels of personal responsibility inevitability shrinks. An easy analogy is to imagine parents of two children. One is a high achiever and the other will do only what is absolutely necessary. Do you take the achievements of the high achiever and give them to the one that can’t be bothered to help himself? If you do, all you are doing is taking away the incentive for either of them to better themselves. Just for different reasons.


Setting a high bar for all is a good thing. While it is true that not all will succeed, the chances for success increases when people are empowered with necessary tools that are needed to succeed. Personal responsibility and striving for a better life are two of these tools. Personal responsibility stops people from buying a house that they cannot pay for among other things. Being personally responsible and striving for a better life is two of the many keys to success in this country. They also lead to a more moral society. The nanny state takes those powers away from people.


I am in no way advocating that we legislate morality in this country. Even if it were possible, moral absolutes have to come from within to be effective. But, what we can do is stop blurring the lines between black and white. There is a right and a wrong. There is a good and an evil. There is selfishness and being personally responsible. We need to stop putting virtually everything into the gray area, because you cannot get gray without parts of black and white.

The Mental Health Excuse

The American Psychiatric Association will be releasing an updated of version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V). The things that are being considered to be added as psychiatric disorders are overeating, gambling and compulsive sex acts. These are to be added to give “better diagnoses and treatments.”



I don’t like to get too personal with my blog. But I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. I have had symptoms of depression since my freshman year in high school. It has radically changed the trajectory of my life. I have lost friendships and relationships due to my problems with depression. For the longest time it was misdiagnosed. Once I finally got the proper diagnosis and was put on medication, things greatly improved in my life. So needless to say I have great respect for the psychiatric community. It literally has saved my life. There is no doubt in my mind that had I not gotten therapy I would have committed suicide in my mid twenties. In my early thirties after my first bout with cancer my downward spiral started again. I was put on medication that again probably saved my life. I have been told that in my case it is genetic, and there are other people in my extended family that have suffered from severe depression problems.


My life is no different than anyone else’s in many respects. I have had both good and bad times. I have had financial problems, medical problems, and have had heartbreaks. My issues have been that they are a little harder for me to bounce back from. Overtime I have learned how to recognize when I am having issues more quickly which allows me to make the proper decisions about what I need to do. This is due to the mostly good medical help that I received over a ten year period.


I also truly believe that if mental health issues were more directly dealt with in this country, many social ills would be reduced. Many people that have underlying mental health problems commit crimes, become addicted to drugs and alcohol. There is a great deal of frustration involved when you have mental health problems. Society at large is not very accepting. There is still a stigma to admit that you have problems. I knew a girl who was suffering from schizophrenia; she did some very strange things before being hospitalized. She purposely hurt close friends and became destructive in many ways. After she was finally diagnosed many people still didn’t forgive her. Which I found very sad, she did not do those things on purpose. She needed help.


While I will be the first to say that compulsive behavior has some underlying pathology involved, it certainly doesn’t explain all behavior. These types of diagnoses have hidden dangers. These are the type of things that affect your life insurance rates, your health insurance rates, can be used in job related discrimination if they show up in background checks, and ultimately be used as yet one more excuse to justify bad behavior. Some people are addicts because of weakness. Some people overeat because they have no self control; people cheat on their spouses because they are selfish.


We need to be careful before we start giving a diagnosis to every ill in human nature. Not every human weakness should be attached to mental illness. At some point we need to admit that humans are flawed. We do things without thinking about the affect we have on other people, not because we have a mental illness. It seems that we are constantly trying to justify bad behavior and find some sort of quick fix to explain the problem. By giving a diagnosis to every little thing we are taking away personal responsibility from our lives. How much further do we go down this road? The most important question is where does this road lead? At this rate, we will just have people that do whatever they want, and take no responsibility whatsoever for their actions. That is not something that we should be promoting. 

Tiger and Personal Responsibility

I had not planned on talking about this topic, but it doesn’t seem to be going away. Tiger’s bevies of mistresses keep coming forward. They have been on all the network morning shows. The majority of these women don’t seem to be remorseful in anyway. One decided to come forward because the press was reporting that she had taken money from Tiger. She wanted to clear that piece of misinformation up. Ok, she wanted to make sure that everyone knew she didn’t take money, but did not care that she had sex with a man she knew to be married? Is it ok because you didn’t take money? But of course the media is not asking these questions. People make mistakes, we have all done it. Let the person without sin be the first to cast a stone. But to put yourself out in the public to say that you are bedding down with a married man is a different thing.



The AP has given him the athlete of the decade award. I suppose one can make an argument that his professional life and his personal life are two different things. One of the issues that I have with much of the press coverage is the “disappointment” and “outrage” that everyone seems to be having.

What he has done to his wife and his children is awful and more than likely unforgivable as far as his wife is concerned. That is really between the two of them and no one else’s business. Affairs can be worked through, but serial cheating is another animal altogether. But is this the business of the rest of us? One of the stories that you keep hearing about is how he hoodwinked the public. But did he?


I am huge sports fan. So I do pay attention to the sporting world. Has Tiger ever come out and say that he is a role model? That is an issue that comes up in the world of professional sports. Many top athletes are very troubled human beings. They happen to be good at a particular sport that has thrown them into the public eye and in many cases gives them a great deal of money at a young age. Having a nephew who competed at the college level I do know for a fact that student athletes are treated differently than the rest of the student body. While they are not paid, they get many perks that other students just don’t get. This allows them to have the attitude that they are above the rules, because in some ways, they are. They are treated as a commodity.


Charles Barkley, former NBA player, has said on many occasions that he is no role model. His belief is that it is the job of parents to provide role models for their children. I agree with him. While there is no harm in your children looking up to a star athlete, to dream of becoming the next Kobe or Tiger. It is up to us to guide them and teach them how to become good human beings. It is not the job of some sports star that they more than likely never meet.


Tiger has a foundation that gives a great deal of money to charity. He has taken his time to promote some of these various charities. But with this comes the facts that he has taken sponsorships from companies that have issues, such as Chevron, that has a history of abuses in Nigeria. He has never questioned what his sponsors do; he has just asked when the check was going to be cut. He, like every human being, has both positives and negatives about him and his history. Michael Jordan has done the exact same thing. When asked about human rights abuses in China, he will only say that the Chinese buy sneakers too.

Athletes have a history of taking the check and keeping their mouths shut. If we as a society keep looking to strangers to guide us and our children we will continue to be let down. It is up to us to give a role model for our own families. Not the Tigers, Kobes, or Jordans of the world. So maybe it is time that we let Mr. and Mrs. Woods work out their problems in private where they belong, and we get to business of raising our kids to treat their spouse much better than Tiger treated his.