Friday, September 6, 2013

The Shaming of Mrs. Hall

I came across this blog post a few days ago and was working on a write-up about it.  Mrs. Hall is mom and she wrote an open letter to young women about the selfies that they post on social media in different stages of undress.  I never got around to hitting publish on it.  I am glad that I didn't because of the storm that this has caused.

As usual feminists have taken a disliking to Mrs. Hall and her words.  She is slut shaming and blaming the victim for any potential sexual abuse that may come into their lives.   Now Mrs. Hall did not such thing.  Her advice was simply that maybe teenage girls should be more aware of the dangers of social media and putting half-naked pictures of yourself isn't a good idea.

The thing that I never understood about the feminist movement is that they claim that they don't want to be treated like a sex object they then cry foul when you point out that showing your boobs to complete strangers is exactly what makes you a sexual object to some.

From Jezebel:
"Respect everyone regardless of their gender/sexuality/appearance," she might've said. "Don't worry! It's okay if you have sexual feelings! You're a sexual being! Girls are too. That doesn't mean you can treat them like objects. You and you alone are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Get over this Madonna-whore complex while you still can."
Now what she actually said was:
I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.
I get it – you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout.  What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know.
She was commenting on how these young women are posing into positions that make them look like a sexual object in various stages of undress.

Teaching your daughters to have some modesty is not slut shaming nor is it remotely close to saying they are responsible if they happen to get raped.  It is saying to them that the most important thing that they have is themselves.  It has value and that value is incalculable.  There is no monetary thing that can replace your body, your self-respect, your emotions, and everything else that makes you human.

Now I have always said that we teach our daughters to be careful when they are out at parties where others are drinking.  That behavior can put you in danger.  It doesn't mean that you deserve what happens to you, it means why put yourself in that position when it can be so easily avoided?  It is far less likely that young men will be raped.  But that doesn't mean we don't tell our sons that they should not be in those positions either.  We would should be teaching all of our children that their actions have consequences.

I have been thinking about some posts I have done in the past, the lawsuit filed by Yale students about sexual misconduct that occurred at an off campus Naked Party where people were drinking heavily.  Knock me over with a feather, I am shocked, shocked I say to hear that there was sexual misconduct going on.  That doesn't mean that the young men involved should get a pass.  If they committed a crime they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  But I would use this story as a teachable moment to young women and explain that when you are in this environment and you are drinking, bad things may happen to you.  Avoid the whole thing by not going to a naked party.  I am not saying  they deserved to be raped and/or assaulted.  Young adults, drinking, and sex is not a really good combination.

But of course the feminazi's of the world turned this into you are tempting my son to be unpure.  What she was actually trying to get across to these girls is if you don't want to be treated like a sexual object, don't act like one.  We are all human and sex and sexual feelings is part of our humanity.  Women and men think differently.  We just do.  Those different ways of reacting and thinking sometimes lead us to not understand the intentions of others.   This harkens me back to post about the New York Times article on Penn State and the Hook Up Culture.  A young women in that article flat-out said that if she started to sober up a little and realized she didn't want to have sex, she would just drop to her knees and open her mouth to get it over with.  Is that rape?  No, it isn't.  It is a young woman who made a series of bad choices that ended up with her on knees to gracefully find a way out of sex after a night of drinking.

These are the types of things that Mrs. Hall is trying to warn young women about.  You make these choices, thinking they are innocent and wont' cause any harm, and then find yourself in a dorm room on your knees performing oral sex on a man that you don't care about at all.  That isn't empowerment young ladies.  You have been used for sex.  That is exactly what makes men look at you as a sexual object.  No one is saying stay a virgin until you get married.  Or at least I am not.  That is an individual choice that all of must make for our own reasons.  What people like myself and Mrs. Hall are saying is that if you act a certain way, don't be shocked when you get treated that way.  It shouldn't be a surprise.

Here is a funny example of what Mrs. Hall was discussing.  Please note, I don't know how serious the injuries to the young woman was.  I hope that since the video was posted she suffered only minor burns.  But if you look closely you will see a bottle and shot glass on the table.  Someone put on that video camera.  Someone posted that video.  Please dont' tell me that young woman didn't wanted to be looked at as sexy, as someone you may want to hang with, dance with, most likely have sex with.  No one else made her an object except for herself.  This is what Mrs. Hall is trying to warn teenage girls about.

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